For Those Playing At Home

The Trust came through (again!) and the check arrived yesterday. I got a haircut, first thing, as I was several months overdue, and am mailing out checks to various creditors today.

I'm very proud of me -- I phoned the Trust "relationship manager" on Friday, and arranged to reinvest half of the distribution of the trust Dad left me in long-term investment, 1/4 in something more liquid (ie, money market) and the last 1/4 will be mine to pay off a few critical bills and replace my expired or expiring electronics. This might seem simple and obvious to most folks, but for me it's a triumph. I am not only fiscally illiterate, I have a serious phobia regarding dealing with money matters. As in, throat closes up, heart rate rockets, full bore anxiety reaction. So... yay me!

Thought for the Day

A gentleman would never be so rude as to require a lady to shoot him. Gavin de Becker?

I'm not certain of the provenance, but I love the quote. I'm off to Gencon on Wed, and it's almost spooky to not be frantically scrambling around trying to get everything ready to run/coordinate/run the interactive, etc. I think I'm going to enjoy this "being a player" thing!

Bad News, Good News, Maybe Both

Good news: SEO wants me back beginning Aug 23rd, until October something.
Bad news: That means there's no way I'll be working between now and then, as most assignments aren't that short term.

Well, I've already faxed off to the Trust for help with the mortgage and utilities, so two weeks without pay won't render me homeless/lightless/waterless. So I'm going to make the best of this and consider it a vacation. An unpaid vacation, yes, but at least time off from work. I'll use it to finish my LD scenario, learn more about CSS and Php, apply for jobs. Clean a little, even. Go to Gencon for the full 4 days (since my badge is pre-paid)...

This isn't really any different than being unemployed, but the stress level is lower. I've been having stress dreams all week... those vivid dreams where you think it's real until something too weird happens. I only have them when I'm under the worst sort of stress, and they leave me tired and disoriented.

Monday morning was your basic "oops, I'm naked" dream. Tuesday I've forgotten already, though I woke up suddenly and very upset. I think it had something to do with a gaming convention. This morning I was a civilian in Iraq and they were trying to evacuate us from a fire zone. I was running around trying to not get shot and worrying about how I was going to carry everything I'd brought, since they wanted us to walk/run/dodge some distance. On the plus side, in my dream I met Ginmar, a Livejournal poster whose brilliantly written posts from Iraq are on my daily must-read list.

I finally drove myself out to Curves to exercise today. I only went 'round the circle once, but I don't hurt too much, and will try to make myself do it again tomorrow. I'm hoping that exercise will not only reduce my blood sugar/blood pressure, but also relieve some of the depression and anxiety.

Scared to Death

Today's my last day at MSU's Student Employment Office. *sigh* I've been here six months, and it sucks to have to leave. It's the thing I hate most about being a temp -- you're always leaving. That and the insecurity of never knowing when there will be work again. Oh, and no sick or vacation time, or health benefits.

Worse, MSU Office Services (my temp agency) doesn't have anything for me next week. I can't pay my bills on my paycheck as it is... missing any amount of pay is just going to make it all harder.

It's almost Fall Semester, though, and something will probably open up soon. I'll hit the pavement first thing on Monday as a full-time job-hunter, and since the employment prospects have improved marginally I can hope I'll find something.

Right now, though, I'm sad, depressed and scared to death. This too will pass. Time to sell more stuff on Ebay!

Overcommitment

My horoscope in the local paper today read:

You're extremely obliging, handling everything you should, but somehow, it doesn't give you that warm and satisfying sense of contribution. At some point, you've got to stop and wonder, "Who's idea was this anyway?"

I have to say, at the moment it fits. I was a founding member of a local RPG club, and worked my butt off for the club for a number of years. When I took on the RPGA's Living Force campaign, I had to give up my involvement in the club (and pretty much everything else). In last couple of years I've watched the club decline, and while it pained me, I had my responsibility to LF. Membership dropped from a high of 135 (the largest RPGA club in the world) to single digits.

Then RPGA elected to "not renew my contract" (much angst on that subject can be found in earlier entries) and I found myself with time on my hands.

I do love gaming, and there's nothing like an active local club to provide opportunities for that, so I re-involved myself with the club. I'd agreed to run for Vice President (in a strictly advisory capacity) at the previous election because we had no candidate for that position at all... so I was in a position to easily do so. And I really needed something to focus on.

The good news is that membership is on the rise and we're running lots of games. The bad news is that it seems like I am ending up doing most of the organizing and coordinating, and it's beginning to be not-fun.

Now, to be fair, I can't entirely blame anyone else for this. I'm just this side of obsessive/compulsive, and I can't bear to do anything half way. Or even three-quarters. It's up to me to decide how much to do and when it's not fun, and to stop doing it if it's just another source of stress.

"Doctor, it hurts when I do this..." "Well, then stop doing it!"

Amen.

How to be creative

Thanks to Doyce over at Average Bear, is this gem on creativity: gapingvoid: how to be creative.

This is the "bullet" form, but I urge you to go read the original.

1. Ignore everybody.


2. Creativity is its own reward.


3. Put the hours in.


4. If your biz plan depends on you suddenly being "discovered" by some big shot, your plan will probably fail.


5. You are responsible for your own experience.


6. Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten.


7. Keep your day job.


8. Companies that squelch creativity can no longer compete with companies that champion creativity.


9. Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb.


10. The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props.


11. Don't try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether.


12. If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you.


13. It’s only an idea if it changes the world.

While I don't agree with everything, it strikes some pertinent chords. Now... to actually follow those guidelines!

Ups and Downs of Living Alone

As I battled the chaos that is my home this weekend (dishes done, check; laundry done, check; some trash out, check; etc.) it occured to me that one of the serious down-sides to living alone is that unless you do things, they don't get done. There's no one with whom to negotiate about the jobs you just don't want to do, so those jobs tend to not get done. Things lay where you drop them.

On the other hand, things are always where you last put them (if you can remember where that is -- a constant problem for me). I never open the fridge to find the last of (fill in the blank) gone, since I'm the one who *ate* the last (fill in the blank).

All in all, though, I think I'd rather have someone to share my life with. It's the implementation that's giving me some difficulty. The older I get, the more set in my ways I get.