Despite a tenacious sense of irritability, I think I'm actually pulling out of the latest depressive tailspin. I'm starting to make lists and get the things on them done again. I just hope I'm not so far behind that I can't possibly catch up.

Off to the Lahna's for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. I am, without a doubt, thankful for my friends.

I seem to be in an extraordinarily bad mood of late. I don't know if it's menopausal hormones or just the irritability of depression, but if I don't straighten up I'm going to find myself not only friendless, but embarrassed to even look at myself in the mirror. Okay, I'm already embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror, but it'd be worse.

I'm hopeful that my friends will, as they always have in the past, continue to put up with me and smack me one when I need it.

Quote of the day, from "Sally Forth": "Just because I saw it coming doesn't mean I was waiting for it with balloons and cake".

::chuckle:: That would describe my life many days.

On the good news front... :: happy dance :: I'm going to California for Gencon SoCal on WotC's nickle. I'll be running what they call the "Delve" in the dealer's room -- short adventures with miniatures or action figures to introduce people to the games. Not, mind you, as Living Force campaign director. Nope, I missed that deadline. I was told mid-June to have two new semi-exclusive adventures ready by August 1st if I wanted them to send me. I didn't make the deadline (though not by any fault of the Plots team, who did get me the stuff before Aug 1), so from them it was a no-go. I was very disappointed that there wouldn't be campaign staff at the convention. The West Coast gamers feel that they're overlooked and neglected, and I figured this would only play into that belief. It was, however, out of my hands. At my barely-above-minimum-wage income a plane ticket/hotel for the con was just completely out of reach.

Then Lauri contacted me to see if I could provide any judges for her from the staff runnning Living Force. I told her I would put out the word, and that if she wanted to ship me out there, I'd be happy to run all day every day. And so I am. (grin) I'll have each evening free, and hopefully that will be enough.

I'm trying to figure out who could possibly be desperate enough to mistake spaghetti squash for pasta. I finally tried it last night, and am unimpressed. The first trick was getting into the darned thing - very hard shell, resistant to my best knives. I felt lucky not to injure myself cutting it in half to scoop out the seeds and microwave it.

It took almost 20 minutes of microwaving to persuade the darned thing to pass "crunchy". I guess the best I can say is that it isn't horrid, but there's a distinct "squash" flavor. Pasta it ain't, and I don't think I'll repeat the experiment. Other, of course, than cooking the rest of it tonight and maybe freezing it.

That way I show I'm smart twice -- once for being thrifty and freezing it, and later for being smart and not killing myself by eating the freezer-burned mess and throwing it out. (to paraphrase George Carlin).

This one is too good not to make permanent note of (or at least, as permanent as a weblog). Randolph Carter responds to a Nigerian Scam

This is wrong in so many ways I can't even think where to begin. Gollum raps in The Towers are the Players

Sometimes (this is one of them) it feels like there's this huge fist inside my chest, slowly closing its fingers. It hurts, but in a purely psychic way. That, combined with increasing isolation (self induced), anxiety waking me in the wee hours and stuffing my brain in a hamster wheel of worry so I can't get back to sleep, and a deep sense that I am sinking, out of control, out of sight... it must be fall, because I'm depressed again.

On a happier note, I slithered out with Phil & Lisa and saw Bubba Ho-Tep today. :: snerk :: If you liked Evil Dead, if you liked Army of Darkness, if you liked Brisco County Junior, if you just like Bruce Campbell -- you gotta see that movie. It certainly was 2 hours today when I wasn't depressed. Jae-bob says "go see it!"

Phil suggested that it felt a lot like a well-run roleplaying scenario, and I have to agree.

Happy Dance!

I got my car back, and while it's going to be challenging to raise the money, I am soooooo glad to have wheels again.

Stan, my new boss, kindly took me out to lunch today, and thus was able to drop me off to pick up the car when Badgley's called. I introduced him to bulgolgi at Korea House. I always enjoy sharing culinary finds with people!

And on a completely unrelated note, this is one horrifically funny site. (:= X Chopping Block X =:) It chronicles the misadventures of a hockey-masked serial killer. Okay, maybe it's a thing, but it always makes me chuckle. Bad words and incredibly inappropriate humor, so click at your own risk.

If it weren't for bad luck...
I'd have no luck at all!

It could be worse. It could be a blown engine, which would set me back about $3500. Instead it's a blown head gasket, which will set me back $1300-$1400. Judy is faxing me a written estimate so that I can apply to the Trust for help. I sure as heck won't be finding that kind of money on my own, not when I only clear about $250 a week.

Time to dig out the bus schedule, since I'm going to be bussing it for the rest of the week, minimum.

It's always something...
It seems like there's always something dire going on in my life. I wonder if I'd even know how to be happy -- if I wanted to be happy, I wouldn't be dwelling on all of the things that go wrong, now would I?

Found out last Tuesday that my beloved friend Jason was indeed marrying Erika on Halloween. I hadn't gotten an invite, and queries had gone unanswered, so I figured either they had postponed it or I wasn't invited. Not. Heaven knows where the invitation went, but I rapidly rearranged my life so that I could be in Columbus for a 1 pm wedding on Halloween. A Renaissance-themed wedding in a park, no less.

So far, so good. Yes, it's a day without pay, but it's also the wedding of someone I care very much about. After all, when I die, poor Jason has to sort out my stuff. Day off, arranged. Regrets tendered regarding missing the Friday night home game again (and I was going to run Chill for them for Halloween). Ah, well, weddings of dear friends are more important that games, even I have enough perspective to know that. Dress found, readied and donned first thing (since I didn't want to have a repeat of the "forgot my dress" episode that marred my attendance at Morrie & Christy's wedding in September). I even started out at a reasonable time, after checking my bank account for payroll deposit and discovering it to be a week's pay short. Ghaaaaa. I seem to have missed turning in a time slip; email and a cell phone call straightened it out, and I'll get 3 weeks pay... on the 14th. That leaves me very short of funds and making some late payments, but I figured I could squeak by if I was very, very careful.

So... there I am, driving down to Columbus in nice weather, reasonable traffic... and the "check gauges" light comes on. And the engine is making a funny sound. When I was able to pull over and check, I found the coolant reservoir tank bone dry. There I was, in the parking lot of a McDonalds in a RenFaire dress, pouring antifreeze and my bottle of drinking water into the reservoir. What, doesn't everyone carry antifreeze in their car? I picked up a gallon of water from a gas station store and soldiered on.

Dan called me, then, asking me to detour into Columbus to pick him up (adding about 40 minutes to the drive -- I'm now running about 20 minutes behind). Dan is a nice guy (and the bride's ex-boyfriend), so I didn't want to say no, and took directions.

Still, though the engine sounded a little odd the "check gauges" light stayed off, so off I headed to pick up Dan. Until I hit the slower portion of the approach to Columbus. Then, as soon as I dropped below 40mph and/or idled, the little needle headed right up to "hot". Several times I had to pull off and wait for 5 minutes for the engine to cool down enough to drive another 5 minutes. Phoned Dan again, to tell him that he'd probably better find another ride. Tried to phone Morrie, but got his voice mail on his cell. Worried, fretted and stopped a couple more times, asking directions to the park.

I did make it in time; more than in time, because Morrie & Christy (who called me back) were able to fetch Dan, but it delayed things about 20 minutes. Which I thought was sweet of the bride and groom, to wait till both their ex's could make it.

Parenthetically, the dynamics of this group baffle me. All of them gamed together, and still do. They're handling this dance-of-the-beloveds with much more aplomb than I think I could ever manage. I'm sure I'd be bitter... very bitter. Kudos to them, but I still think it's, well, odd. Not that that's a bad thing.

The wedding was lovely, a multi-denominational wedding/handfasting with some beautiful thoughts (pictures to come). I cried, which I expected. Since it was "cry for happy", there's no problem with that. Other than poor Dan, everyone seems to have come out well in the exchange, and Dan was much more of a mensch about it than I think I could ever be.

Around 4:30 (now in my comfy clothes, which I did manage to remember to take) I put half a gallon of water in my radiator and headed home. Assuming that the car would hold up, I realized I could be at Adam's by 9 or 9:30, so I phoned him to ask him to write me into the game. Again, the poor old bus ('94 Plymouth Voyager minivan) was fine at highway speeds but redlined as soon as I needed to idle. I made it home (despite some very scary sounds from the engine) and parked the sucker for the rest of the weekend. Reimer picked me up for the Saturday playtest and Phil was kind enough to schlep me around on Sunday so I could fetch groceries, pay my electric bill and swap a little money between accounts.

So... now the minivan is at the mechanic, awating a chance to squeeze it in between appointments and figure out just how bad it is. Not very, I'm praying. Reimer can loan me a little money, but I have no idea, none, how I am going to make it to that payday on the 14th.

*sigh*

On the plus side, my injured left knee (the formerly good knee) began to improve significantly on Thursday, so I should be able to walk without too much pain. Which is good, because till they can fix the car (sometime this week, I pray) I'm taking the bus.

It's always something...